In all my years of leading Gender Amplified, my advocacy for women has been shaped by the foundation laid in my upbringing. I grew up in a home of four generations of strong women. My great-grandmother, the cornerstone of my early childhood, instilled in me the importance of treating people the way I want to be treated. She lived with grace, humility, and generosity, and through her, I learned that advocating for women isn't about rhetoric—it's about how you live.
Without ever using or understanding the formal tenets of feminism, my great-grandmother embodied its core values. Despite only having a sixth-grade education, she was one of the earliest feminists I encountered, not because of academic theory but because of how she carried herself and supported other women. I witnessed her navigate relationships with her sisters, church community, family, and coworkers with dignity and care.
Growing up in a household filled with strong women—my great-grandmother, my grandmother, and my mother—I learned the importance of women sticking together. Our home was not without its conflicts; spanning nearly a century of lived experiences across four generations, we often clashed. But through those disagreements, I gained a deep understanding of how to accommodate differences, hold space for other women, and practice negotiation. This upbringing shaped my belief that women, despite our varying perspectives, can work together harmoniously to advance our collective social, intellectual, and emotional standing.
Having never met my father, I consider it a gift that God placed three mothers in my life who more than filled that absence. They taught me how to champion women in community and advocate for women and girls wherever I find them. Their influence is why I founded Gender Amplified and why, in the music business, I continue to rally behind other women, ensuring they have access to resources, mentorship, and opportunities.
However, in my time as an advocate, I’ve also encountered women who do not share my background or values. Women who, instead of uplifting, seek to undermine. Women who have intentionally manipulated and hurt my feelings, taken advantage of my kindness, and who have attempted to harm my career and reputation. Women who we often call mean girls.
Defining "Mean Girls"
For the purposes of this article, I define "mean girls" as women who, for various reasons, behave spitefully, immaturely, or unprofessionally when challenged. These are individuals who abuse power, seek to exclude or diminish other women, or resort to vindictive behavior when they don’t get what they want.
Mean girls exist in every industry, including music. They can be women who deliberately try to ruin the reputations of others, who align with powerful men to secure their own positions while shutting other women out, or who create toxic cliques that thrive on ostracizing those they perceive as competition or those with whom they disagree. Women who attempt to minimize the contributions of other women and take credit for their ideas.
I have witnessed and personally experienced this kind of behavior—women who operate with emotional intelligence when it serves them but throw tantrums or retaliate when told "no." Women who seek to manipulate, gaslight, or sabotage other women rather than collaborate. Women who degrade and demean other women for sport and entertainment instead of uplift. And worst of all, women who publicly advocate for supporting other women but secretly operate with a spirit of jealousy and hyper-competitiveness, ultimately feeling most comfortable when they are the only woman in the room.
No Means No
Throughout my career, I have had to stand my ground many times:
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When pressured to work beyond my contractual obligations
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When my artistic vision was challenged
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When faced with unwanted advances
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When encountering cliques of women whose values did not align with mine
Saying no has often incited backlash, not just from men but from women as well. It is especially disheartening when the resistance comes from other women—women who should, in theory, understand the importance of advocating for one another.
If you are an advocate for women and find yourself targeted by women who attempt to destroy your career, reputation, misrepresent your character, or misconstrue your motives, know this: Their behavior is not a reflection of your worth but rather a symptom of a broken system that has conditioned women to fight for scraps instead of collective progress.
Understanding the Origins of Mean Girls
Women who weaponize exclusion, cattiness, and power games are often operating from a place of pain. Many have been taught that manipulation, meanness, and backstabbing are necessary for survival in male-dominated spaces. They have learned these behaviors as a means of gaining and maintaining power in a world that has historically denied them agency.
Moreover, I understand that the mean-spirited behaviors we see perpetuated today often stem from early life experiences and the power dynamics that were present in the home growing up; these habits and tendencies can sometimes override a desire to respond more thoughtfully when people feel threatened or blocked. Old habits are hard to break, and that's why I believe in extending grace—because I never really know how someone’s upbringing or hidden trauma may have shaped their adult responses.
While we do not excuse these behaviors, we can acknowledge their origins. Understanding does not mean tolerating mistreatment, but it does allow us to choose and extend grace over further retaliation or rejection.
Ways “Mean Girl” Behavior Is Justified
Some argue that being exclusionary, spiteful, vindictive, cliquish, or petty is just part of playing the game—that those who have historically held power have behaved this way without consequence, so why shouldn’t women do the same?
Not being on the receiving end of an abusive system doesn’t make it any less harmful. And benefiting from mean behavior doesn’t make it any less damaging to both the perpetrator and the recipient. If the goal is real progress, then replicating the same patterns under a different banner does nothing to move things forward. Mishandling and manipulating power is poor stewardship of influence no matter who is doing it.
Choosing the Highest of Roads
It is tempting to become cynical—to believe that advocating for women is futile when some women seem determined to tear each other down. But I refuse to let the negativity of a few deter me from the greater mission.
I know, because of how I was raised, that a better way is possible. I have seen women build true communities, form alliances, and support each other in ways that are not rooted in competition, envy, or territorialism. As we move into a new era of agency and equity, we must actively shed the behaviors that no longer serve us.
For those who have been on the receiving end of mean girl behavior, I encourage you to:
- Take the high road – Maintain your integrity and positive disposition.
- Extend grace – Recognize that hurt people often hurt others.
- Set firm boundaries – Saying no is your right. Stand by it.
- Keep doing the work – Your advocacy is bigger than any one bad experience.
Women are our greatest allies, and we need each other to advance. The work of equality is not just external—it is internal. It is emotional, psychological, and intellectual. We ALL must work to banish the spirit of meanness, exclusion, and reputation destruction.
Even in the face of hostility, continue advocating for women. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s necessary. The real victory is not just in changing the world—it’s in refusing to let the world change you.